How to Argue

Edited by Erin Fogarty, Stargirl, Adg, Glutted and 26 Others

Arguments don’t have to be hurtful, but they can easily turn that way if you’re not careful. Luckily, there are several techniques and tricks you can try, which will allow you to get your point across without turning the discussion into a full-on fight. The ability to argue effectively is actually a great skill to learn, and can come in handy in a wide variety of situations, giving you the confidence to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Remember to pick your battles though – some things just aren’t worth arguing over!

1

Play fair. Odds are you know exactly how to push the other person’s buttons, but it’s important to resist if you want to have a civil argument. Resolve that no matter how upset he or she makes you, you will not say the one thing you know would push the argument over the edge.

• This is easier said than done, especially when your emotions are running high in the moment. Resolve before the argument begins that you will not cross certain boundaries, and try to stick to those rules no matter how you feel.
• Don’t rub it in. Part of playing fair is knowing when to quit. If you’ve “won” the argument and made the other person agree with you, stop right there. Continuing to talk about how you’re right might only stir up another argument.
• Listen. Resist the urge to simply talk over the other person until he or she gives up, and actually listen to what’s being said. Don’t interrupt, and don’t try to cut the other person off.
• Respect what the other person has to say. An argument has to be two-sided, if you fail to hear the other side out, they will return the gesture and not listen to you. Refuting a person’s opinion is fine, but refusing to hear it makes a debate pointless.

2

Divide and conquer. Discuss one issue at a time, covering everything you want to say about it. When it’s been settled or you’ve reached an impasse, move on to the next topic.

• Don’t allow subject changes. The other person might try to change the subject in order to cover up a mistake. Many people, when proven wrong in some area, will rather be dismissive of their mistake rather than acknowledging their error. Either leave the argument if the person refuses to acknowledge mistakes (i.e “It doesn’t matter”, “Whatever, that’s my opinion.”, etc), or insist they acknowledge their error.
• Stop thinking about what you are going to say next. You cannot possibly anticipate every possible point a person will say, so as such you will likely fail to create points relative to the other’s. Just stick to what you’re focused on right now.

3

Don’t get emotional. If you allow yourself to become angry, you will be less effective at arguing your points, as you will be more susceptible to logical fallacies and misdirection. You will also be less convincing to the other party as well, as it is human nature to oppose threatening figures; as such any point you make that is angrily directed at someone will be ignored, no matter how logical it is.

• Use your words, not your tone. Say things like, “When you say that, I feel _____”, or, “It hurts me when you _____”. This makes the other person feel like they are not at fault, and they don’t have to become defensive. If you said to them, “I hate it when you _______”, it makes them feel like they have to defend themselves and both of you end up getting more angry and farther from a resolution.

4

Watch out for rhetorical fallacies. Most people start using fallacies when they’re losing an argument, especially because few people have a solid understanding of rhetoric. Be on the lookout for fallacies, and point out why they’re false when you catch one. The other person might be forced to re-examine their own reasoning for disagreeing with you.

5

Know when to wrap it up. If you’ve been talking for a long time and neither one of you is budging, consider calling it a day. There are some arguments you can’t win, no matter how good your argument is, if the other person isn’t willing to rethink the problem. If you know when to quit, you might still be able to preserve the relationship.

Source: WikiHow